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Loving University:

Get Your PHD in Love!

Finding Love in 2017! January 7th Kabuki Hotel San Francisico

A Guide to



by Susan Bradley RN

Copyright 2009 -2014 All Rights Reserved

So you want to open yourself up to


to finding your next partner in life. ... This mini-guide is for both men and women and will cue you in on some of the basics of



How to Tell if someone is


With You.

Men and women flirt in different ways, for different reasons and with different expectations. If you put aside the pressure of trying to seduce someone and just flirt to be friendly you stand a much better chance of meeting someone new and interesting. You might very well meet the love of your life or you may just encounter someone that you have a lot in common with and end up being great friends.

Here are some basic tips that will stand you in good stead in any



1. Be the fun person! (If you don't know how to be the Life of the's time you begin to learn how. Yes you can Learn how to do this and I will be offering a FREE mini-course on this later.)

To be an irresistibly fun person, you want to be more memorable. There's nothing more off-putting that someone who is miserable and always thinks the glass is half empty. Granted, sometimes a pessimistic, sarcastic sense of humor can go down well in the right company, but generally women are attracted to guys who are light-hearted, funny and entertaining. You need to make her want to talk to you again.

2. Act confidently. (Even if you aren't feeling it at the time.)

People who project success, confidence and have a positive outlook on life will attract people like bees to honey. If the person you are


with detects a feel good factor about you, they will definitely want to come back for more.

3. If you are a Man, Pay Attention to a Woman's Image

Women make a lot of effort when trying to attract men. They think about every aspect of themselves including their clothes, hair, the things they say. you need to listen to what she's saying, nod in


to she feels you are empathizing with her very core being. This will make her feel that you're treating her with respect.

4. Pay Compliments- Specifically about clothing, smile, and anything from the neck up is safe. Do not mention body parts.

Compliments go a long way in


. It's a fine balance though, you don;t want to be seen as though you;re sucking up. Take notice of the little details you observe. If she has some unusual jewelry, mention it and complement her. She'll love the attention and the fact you appreciate the little things.

5. Be Polite, but not overly polite.


does not have to revolve around sexual innuendo or rudeness. Some guys like to take the approach of 'dis'ing the girl to put her on the back foot and knock her confidence. This approach will only work for girls who have low self esteem issues. It's a much better tactic to create interest in you while you show interest in her. You can still inject some cheeky humor into the conversation. If she's rude back to you then you can either try to match her style or move on to the next prospect. Who wants a girl with a foul mouth anyway!

When men flirt, they generally give off cues that exude their masculinity. If you notice that a guy is exhibiting any of these behaviors or gestures, then it's likely that he's


with you! Get your flirtacious groove on and flirt back.

These include:

    * Arches his back.

    * Sways his pelvis.

    * Laughs loudly.

    * Tugs his tie.

    * Clasps back of his neck.

    * Squares his shoulders.

    * Puffs his chest.

    * Stiffens his stance.

    * Teases you in a friendly manner.

    * Winks as you from a distance.

    * Smiles suggestively.

    * Engages in direct eye contact.

    * Casually touches you.

What to Watch Out For in a man's body language:

If you notice a man exhibiting any of these behaviors, escape now.

    * He walks over with over-confidence.

    * He approaches in a controlling manner and dominates the conversation.

    * He invades your personal space right away.

How to Approach Him

If all has gone well and you've read his cues properly, he'll either approach you, or you can approach him. If he's approaching, you don't want to do anything to undermine his confidence. Remember, it takes a lot for a man to just walk up to a woman and talk to her. If you're approaching him, remember that you're sending out signals during the approach that could make or break you before you even have a chance to talk!

    * Lock eyes for a few seconds, then drop your gaze. Eye contact is a sign of openness. Most men will pick up on this flirtatious and approach you.

    * If the guy is approaching you, be classy and charming. He's probably nervous and a bit worried about rejection. Take these into consideration and play nice.

    * While he's approaching, smile suggestively. SMILING IS ABSOLUTELY the BEST and most important things that you can do to make yourself more attractive and approachable.

Once You're There.

Once he's arrived (or you have), it's time to get the conversation started.

    * Speak slowly and with direct statements rather than abstract ones. Remember that men are less 'feely' than women.

    * Laugh at his jokes, but don't overdo it.

    * Keep your eyes on him, but glance away every so often. Men tend to not engage in direct eye contact as much as women.

    * Ask him about his job as Men tend to define themselves by their careers.

    * Find common ground. The most important aspect of your conversation is to find out what you have in common, be it hobbies, friends, jobs, or whatnot.

    * Don't talk about yourself too much. Answer his questions, but be sure to ask questions about him as well. Marion Davi - Randolph Hearst's paramour had to cue in one of her girlfriends during one of their elaborate Hearst Castle dinners to engage world famous, Charles Lyndberg in more conversation by talking about ....airplanes! Before that, conversation was totally at a standstill.

Other Things To Look For.

The way a man dresses gives you clues to his personality. Pay attention to the following:

    * Are his top few buttons unbuttoned or unbuttoned? Is he more straight-laced or open?

    * Is he dressed casually? Or more formally?

    * What type of shoes does he wear? Socks? Does he seem to care about what he wears and whether it is pressed, shined, etc?

How to Recognize When Women are


With You:




How to Tell if She's


With You

Women give off several nonverbal, flirtatious cues to signify that they are interested and attracted to you. You simply need to know what they are and be observant enough to pick up on them! Most of these flirtatious cues exude sexual suggestiveness, so men may naturally pick up on them. However, the trained eye can pick up so much more. For instance, did you know that the most common flirtatious behavior a woman engages in is the hair flip. When a woman runs her fingers through her hair of flips her hair, she's generally trying to get your attention.

Here are more behaviors women engage in while



    * Sways her hips while walking.

    * Tilts her head and/or exposes her neck.

    * Licks or bites her lips.

    * Tosses, plays, or twirls her hair.

    * Crosses and uncrosses her legs.

    * Slips her foot in and out of her shoe.

    * Holds a lingering gaze a few seconds longer than usual.

    * Giggles or laughs when you laugh.

    * Engages in friendly teasing. (Always a good sign.)

    * Winks at you.

    * Smiles suggestively.

    * Casually touches to your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand.

    * Raises or lowers her voice volume to match yours.

    * Touches her cheek.

    * Exposes her palms.

    * Has tall, straight posture while sitting or walking

    * Puts her fingernail between her teeth.

    * Plays with her jewelry.

    * Raises her eyebrows.

    * Wears sexy clothes or shows suggestive cleavage.

What to Watch Out For

Now that you know what to look for when


, here are few things that you want to avoid. If you notice a woman exhibiting any of these behaviors, it generally means that she's not interested and that it's time to move on.

    * She's hunched over or her shoulder blocks you off.

    * She taps her fingers on the table or on her glass.

    * She taps her foot or keeps her legs uncrossed.

    * She won't look you directly in the eye or worse yet, she rolls her eyes at you or after looking at you and facing her girlfriend.

How to Approach Her

If all has gone well and you've read her cues properly, it's time to approach her. Tread carefully here though because you're sending out signals while approaching her that could make or break you before you even have a chance to talk to her!

    * Exude self confidence when walking towards her. Keep your head held high and your chest out.

    * Smile. Smile. Smile.

    * Keep it easy going and carefree. STAY OUT OF YOUR HEAD!

    * Don't immediately invade her personal space as it's an aggressive behavior and will generally scare her off.

    * Have a good opening line prepared and practiced. You can choose based on the situation, but make sure that it's unique, clever, and most definitely not cheesy or overly suggestive. Humor tends to work well.

    * Tell her your name and that you'd like to spend some time with her talking.

Once You're There.


Once you're there, it's time to get the conversation started.

    * Speak openly and honestly.

    * Nod or give verbal cues such as 'uh huh' or 'yeah' to show that you're listening and validating her comments.

    * A little humor is always a good thing. Did you know that the majority of women say that they're looking for someone who can make them laugh?

    * Don't talk about yourself too much. Answer her questions, but be sure to ask questions about her as well.

    * Find common ground. The most important aspect of your conversation is to find out what you have in common, be it hobbies, friends, jobs, or whatnot.

    * Remember that while most men define themselves by their job or career, women are generally more interested in you spend your off time. Make sure that you let her know. Find out what

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Other Things To Look For.

The way a woman dresses gives you clues to her personality. Pay attention to her clothing, right down to her shoes, and jewelry and you'll learn more about her.

    * Is she dressed conservatively or seductively?

    * Is she wearing open-toed sandals/shoes? The more open her shoes are, the more willing she is to be open with you.

    * What kind of jewelry is she wearing? Large & Clunky? Tiny? Or None at all.




The Importantance of Dynamic Sensual Tension Building while


and before the First Kiss

Dynamic Sensual Tension is a concept that most people fail to understand. It's a feeling of anticipation that something might happen between the two of you. This feeling starts occuring the moment two people start


with each other. Most men make the mistake to attempt a kiss a bit too fast causing the DST or feelings of attraction to fizzle. When you are dating you want to keep that DST or Dynamic Sensual Tension or anticipation going without trying to release it. Women often blow it by "being too nice" or "acting like one of the guys". 

The only moment you should completely release DST is when you find each other past the dating phase and into the "We really want to be together" phase and the "falling in love feeling" is mutual. The timing of this is all about Long Term Relating and what your ultimate goals are for dating and


in the first place.

What is DST exactly? It is this feeling that builds up while you are dating someone (or when you are just


) that feels that something sensual or sexual is about to happen. Women love this feeling and if you want to have success in the domain of dating, you must be comfortable with keeping DST sexual active no matter how uncomfortable it may feel to you. (Actually it's possible to still use this concept once you are in a long term relationship as well but that is a different article.)

Now, how is it the man makes this mistake? They go out on a date with a girl and while he thinks things are going well, at some point they lean forward to kiss the girl or at the end of the date try to give her a giant smacker on her lips. (Men, usually try to do this to see if they feel any attraction but I don't recommend this tactic.)

From that point it is clear for the woman that the man is interested in her which could be both good and bad. It also states loud and clear that you may be the kind of guy who wants to rush being sexual sooner rather than later. I


with the main character in the movie, Hitch, who demonstrates that the proper way to initiate a kiss is by leaning 90% of the way towards the woman. If she is interested in you, she will meet you the other 10% of the way. However, you don't want to do this without first seeing some cues that the woman WILL actually lean in the other 10% of the way. There are some occasions where it is appropriate to be more Alpha in getting that kiss and thereby stimulating the woman's interest in you as a potential romantic partner.

However, if you do this too soon then any DYNAMIC SENSUAL TENSION evaporates. This feeling of anticipation of something to happen is gone and you will have to work harder to get it back than it is worth. You might tell me, "But we haven't had sex yet?". Yes. But a woman doesn't think like that. Unless she is experienced for her a kiss means that the tension is released. Instead of going for the kiss, it would be much better to act like you are coming for a kiss but deliberately miss her lips and brush by her ear instead and murmur a compliment thereby increasing the dynamic tension.

To recap: Make sure that in a date there is a constant build of DST or dynamic sensual tension going on by


, engaging in conversation but NOT KISSING THEM. Touch is fine on the shoulders, arms & elbows, and back including the small of her back but not the legs.


Look for our Upcoming Videos on F.A.Q's

1. How do you know if someone is


with you. Part 2

2. How do you get the elusive phone number? or Email.

3. What do you do if you are not interested in the other person.

4. What do you say after Hello?

5. How to flirt if you are a bit shy?

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